I let myself FAIL

2 years of “I shouldn’t fail”

I have been trying not to fail for the last two years.…

I always feel stuck before the computer…

No outing, no walking, no recreation, no functions, no shopping………………………

Just sitting before the computer…

What I’m trying to do?

Protect myself from failure…

Here it looks like…

Every day I do something and expect good things will happen…

Days passes and I found something is missing…

Then I realize that and try to fix it and expect good things will come…

Again I see something is missing…

My life goes on like this…

This is one side of the coin…

The other side of coin looks like this…

When a month ends generally everybody feels happy because they will get their salaries…

But in my case whenever a month ends I feel anxiety, stress…

Because I have to pay rent, staff salaries and bank EMIs…

What I’m getting from the business does not meet these expenses…

Always there is a deficit and I need to fill it getting loan from different sources….

If I get the loan it is okay…

If I don’t get the loan then I have to face pressure….

This is how life is going on for last 2 years…

What happened yesterday?

Yesterday night as usually I came to office…

I could feel my heart beat once again…

This time it is beating with more than normal dosage…

I started thinking why it is behaving like this….

Then I have realized this month possibility of getting loans seems to be zero….

My mother is getting impatient that I have already told you in my blog post “My mother’s response doesn’t shock me

I have also told you there is no response from my family members in my blog post “Unwanted Brother

Sagar (Co brother) also could not give what he promised…

Based on the assurance given by my mother during last month I have promised everyone that I’ll pay this first week…

Now I don’t know how to respond to them….

Life seems to be crushing….

I’m trying to keep my heart calm but this time it is not responding to me…

Generally whenever I feel stress I meditate and in a few minutes I can feel peace immediately…

Since it is not responding to this time…

I let myself fail

I asked myself “what would happen if I don’t pay anything?

Probably house owner may ask us to vacate their house

Probably staff may say they can’t work anymore…

My banker may say we will recover the dues by selling the apartment which is under mortgage…

Then what happens?

Probably I have to shift to another small house….

Okay I have to disband this unit…

Then what happens…

I’m not getting any answer…

So even if I don’t get the money from our family members nothing will happen

Probably I’ll be working from a small house with low rent and make a living doing my current work…

And that’s all….

After the recovery I can make a new beginning

After the recovery I can pay the dues payable to the lenders…

So once I let myself fail by giving up everything my heart seems to be getting calm….

When I realized this is the worst thing that can happen then I started feeling empowered

I’m started feeling energized….

So today what I have discovered….

Uncertainty makes us fearful….

I realize the spiritual truth….

Life is uncertain

When mother carrying a child in her womb there is no certainty till she gives birth to the child…

When we put a seed in the soil there is no certainty until the seed sprouts…

A cine producer invests Crores of rupees and  there is no certainty getting profits till the movie releases..

Similarly an entrepreneur has to walk-through uncertainties till he sees success…

Unfortunately many entrepreneurs give up before they test the success…

Many people who struck to a menial job because the fear of uncertainty…

They stuck to the painful job because they feel certainty of income in their work…

The bottom-line is…

Life is a beautiful uncertainty…

When you will born uncertain…

When you will die uncertain…

The people who choose to face the uncertainty live a life of enterprising….

So the great people embrace certainty with grace….

The people who prefer certainty pretend to live the life but they are not living the true life…

Life is meant for growth and expansion….

Tree taught me a lesson

Every day I observe a tree near my house…

On the date of recent cyclone it tried it best to protect itself from the crush of the winds….

At last unable to face the speed of the wind all its branches are broken down….

Only the trunk is left…

But after three or four months now it is growing profusely with lots of small branches…

Every day I see this tree and feel so happy…

But when it comes to my life I have forgotten this life principle and today I realized this truth

What a sense of relief!!!

As I got a sense of relief I have shifted my focus on how to move on from now…

  1. Keep pursuing loan matter…
  2. Keep asking hand loan from family members….
  3. Focus on fight your infertility blog  till I see the success…